You partied ‘til dawn and drank everything but the water in the fishbowl; you wake up in a strange bathtub with a girl you don’t remember and that’s not the worst of it; you feel like you’ve been beaten all over your body with hammers and your head has decided to protest your every single movement and/or sound.
In case you’re new to the world, this is what is known as a hangover. Thinky is gonna tell what you to do next. First, put together a package that’s easily accessible (just don’t put it up in a cupboard that requires any climbing to get to, for instance), that looks something like the assortment below.
HANGOVER SURVIVAL KIT:
l. TOOTH BRUSH: Eliminating the foul reek emanating from your mouth is an easy, quick difference maker.
2. BARF BAG: for obvious reasons. If you prefer the sink or worshiping at the porcelain altar, that’s your concern.
3. COMPASS & MAP: with a big red X marking where you live.
4. A COUPLE OF METRO TICKETS.
5. SUNGLASSES: Pink eye isn’t sexy these days.
6. EMERGENCY CASH: Which you don’t touch until the next morning no matter how clever it may seem the night before.
7. ASPIRIN OR IBUPROFEN GALORE!
8. WATER: Water and more water (ok, this makes it heavy, but them’s the breaks).
9. ONE BANANA: Useful for drunken jokes, foreplay, and especially potassium.
10. HAIR HANGOVER RELIEF FROM TIGI BED HEAD: So you can look cool as quickly as possible in case the girl next to you is actually good looking and about to wake up!
YOU ALSO MIGHT WANT TO CONSIDER SOME NATURAL OR HOME-MADE REMEDIES
1. LIVER TEA: Made from dandelions and strawberry leaves and cloves. Take twice a day in the morning and at night before bed.
2. CAYENNE POWDER: Mix 1/4 teaspoon with juice or water. Relieves fatigue, chills, and head ache. Can be taken as often as every few hours, too much may cause diarrhea, or nausea.
3. LEMON WATER: Fresh lemons squeezed in water: the more lemons the better.
4. HONEY VINEGAR MIX: Honey mixed in equal proportions with raw, organic naturally aged and fermented apple cider vinegar, 1 teaspoon in 8 ounces of water
CONSIDER USING SOME OF THE FOLLOWING OVER-THECOUNTER, COMMERCIAL ANTI-HANGOVER CONCOCTIONS, WHICH HAVE BEEN CONVENIENTLY TESTED FOR YOU BY THE NORMALLY ABSTEMIOUS CREW AT THINK.
ALKA-SELTZER: This is good for the queasy stomach and head and body pain. The rest of the symptoms you’ll just have to deal with. Remember, everything has a price!
GENERIC ANTACID: At half the price of Alka-Seltzer, think of this as a home-grown bargain. Pretty similar to Alka-Seltzer in its form and in the symptoms it relieves, so if you want to save money, this is the way to go.
TIGI’S AFTER PARTY & CHOCOLATE HEAD: They won’t relieve any physical discomfort, but you’ll look a lot better, and that’s what counts, right?
- Originally published in ThinkAgain Magazine Add a commentAdd a comment