Living it up... you'll be dead soon enough anyways...

Many see it as a refusal to grow up. Neither of these opinions comes anywhere near the truth.

I work hard. I am a responsible adult, I support myself well. I just happen to get a lot of rest and relaxation while doing so. People often comment on my pleasant personality and my ability to stay calm in any stressful situation. These are definite advantages to the easy life.

What I propose is not a life of inaction, but instead I propose a life of comfort. The first step is to maintain absolute comfort at all times, this includes your clothes, your environment, your mood, etc. Don't let yourself get too hungry or too tired.

Now, this may seem simple, but it isn't. Many situations may arise where you're forced to stand for too long, or go without eating because you're waiting for someone.

This is no good. Remember your comfort comes before anyone else's. Find yourself a chair and get yourself some food.

The next step is all important. Never, absolutely never, be in a hurry. The world will not stop if you're late to somewhere. This is a proven fact. People will wait, there'll be another movie, your boss probably won't fire you.

My strategy is to get to places early as it affords me time to sit around and do nothing for awhile.

Another important aspect of the easy life is the ability to entertain yourself.

This is a skill that will take you far in life. Sometimes sitting around being comfortable gets kind of dull.

Tell yourself a story, observe the faults of others, make things out of paper clips, anything to avoid worrying about bills or politics.

This is Joe, the King of Easy, and these are his ten rules of leisure.

1. Like to have nice things.

2. Cultivate your knowledge in fine pornography.

3. Visualize couches.

4. Your parents can be your greatest fiscal asset, well into your thirties and forties.

5. Steal from your employer.

6. Clothes are a big barrier to personal comfort. Be naked as much as possible, remember, it's YOUR comfort that counts.

7. Always sit on the aisle, you never know when nature will call, and you want to be ready when it does.

8. If God intended for us to walk, he wouldn't have invented cars.

9. Sharing is for other people.

10. It's not about how much money you have, it's how much you can spend.

And these are his top ten tips for throwing good parties. Since it's quickly becoming the holiday season, isn't it time you threw one at your house?

1. Even though I don't adhere to this myself, plan ahead.

2. Flail your arms and exclaim the name of whoever's coming through the door.

3. Satanists, serial killers, psychopaths: They're your friends. Invite them.

4. Figure out how much liquor you need, then double it.

5. Relax. If you get tense during the party, take a bath.

6. Do a sound check in advance.

7. Remember, even dismal parties can seem okay in the reviewing process.

8. Parties are therapy for those who shun traditional analysis in favor of alcoholism.

9. Remember to visit the florist the next day for some "I'm sorry" bouquets for the neighbors.

10. Just because you're disfunctional doesn't mean you're not entitled to a good time!